Afraid
by SVUFAN99
Summary: What happen the night Calvin was taken from Olivia! How far will one partner go to bring justice for the other! E/O just friends and Kathy is a good guy
1. Chapter 1

_**I own nothing! Story just popped in my head!**_

**Elliot's POV**

I knew she was hurting! She left so quickly after Calvin was ripped from her arms! She always hides her pain hoping that no one could ever break that wall she has built around herself! I knew Calvin had broken the wall just like I had once or twice! I left her alone that night and I feel like that was the biggest mistake if I would have went to her that night then these last few weeks would have been a different story!

Olivia had called Cragen and asked for some time off! Cragen knowing that she was hurting told her to take all the time she needed! If he and I only knew why she needed it!

I was pissed at Kathy she knew what was going on! But never said a word! So Kathy knew all along! She told me that Olivia needed to tell me not her! Their bond was tight after Liv saved Kathy and Eli's life that fateful day. Kathy had realized that Liv was never a threat but a help to weed out my fruitions' before I came home! Liv was the one I yelled at when all the harsh realities of working in SVU came down upon me! My rock, my best friend, the one who was not afraid to stand up to me.

Then why was she so afraid to tell me what happen the night Calvin was taken away from her?

**Not beta read! Short chap let me know! I'm not going to say I need so many reviews to update because I hate that when others do that! And if you are going to be a jerk and have bad things to say then at least let me and others respond to you! Unless you are to chicken!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews and if anyone is a beta reader or knows of a beta reader that can help me let me know! I have the ideas in my head just hard for me to put them to print Once again I own nothing except Nurse Hadley**

**KATHY'S POV**

I got called into work that. I had quit working nights after Eli was born. Mostly because of Elliot's hectic hours. With Maureen in Med School and Kathleen working on her Masters. Then the twins who where on their way to college soon. Four kids in college we need all the extra money we could get and with tonight be overtime I jumped at the chance. I was just disappointed that El was not on call tonight and wanted to spend the evening with him. When he came home and said that Cragen had given him the night off after what had happen with Calvin. My heart broke for Olivia I could see how much she cared about him when they spent Thanksgiving with us. But Elliot was home spending one on one time with Eli.

It had been a busy night at the ER my shift was just about to end. Nurse Hadley came to me and said "Can you to take Exam Room 3 a rape kit?" I knew the rape kit awhile but also knew the importance of it. "Sure just let me call El and tell him I'm going to be late."

I walked into the exam room and was shocked to see Olivia there. "Hey Liv" "Kathy why are you here I thought you quit working nights?" "I did but with 2 kids in college and 2 on the way I needed the over time."

"Oh" she said with a sigh. That's when I noticed her busted lip.

"Liv what happen." "Umm an angry prep took a cheap shot." She said.

"Good thing El was not there." I said with a smile. Knowing how overprotive he was of her. Just like all his girls.

She chuckled "Yes you are right." "So where is our victim?" I asked.

"I'm not sure can she be in another exam room?" Liv replied "Nope this is the only room that has a patient in it a Rachel Martin." I told her. "Well she must have gotten scared I'm going back to the 1-6 to see if I can track her down. "If she shows back up call me."

"Ok Liv Bye." "Oh and Liv I'm so sorry about Calvin." "Me to." She said with her voice shaking then she was gone.

I went back to the Nurse's Station to finish up my paperwork. Nurse Hadley came up to me and asked "Did she change her mind about the rape kit?" "She must have because the only person in the room was my husband's partner Olivia." Hadley's face fell "That was the victim!"

Then it hit me. I turn on my heel and I ran after her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews and the offers for a beta reader Once again I own nothing except Nurse Hadley. I will try to make the chapeters longer**

**OLIVIA'S **

stood there hearing his screams for me. My heart shattered as I quickly grabbed my things. I had to get out of there.

"Let me take you home, Liv, you should not be alone," Elliot said.

"No, El, I need to be alone just like always. It will be nice to have to worry about belly aches, lunches or fights any more." My voice cracked, and though I hoped that he did not notice, he did.

"Please Liv, just let me take you."

"Stop. El, I want to be alone."

"Fine, Liv, do want you want."

I should have let him take me home. Because little did I know that having Calvin taken away from me that night was not the worse thing that was going to happen to me that night.

I got back to my apartment and could not bring myself to go inside, knowing that it would be empty and Calvin's things would still be there. Then the picture... Oh God, that picture.

"Because you rescued me." Yeah, a lot of rescuing I did. I let his drug addicted mother and that guy from child services take him to go live with a murderer's parents. Yay for me.

I turned and headed for the bar. It always worked for my mom. Mother like daughter, or daughter like mother.

I had been there a few hours when I heard a familiar voice.

"Olivia, it has been awhile," he said.

Looking at him, I said, "Yes, it has. Why are you here?"

"In town on business," he replied. "I just want to say I'm sorry for everything that happened."

I looked at him "Yeah. You and me both," I replied as I downed my last shot. "Look, I need to go. I have to be at work first thing in the morning," I said, jumping off of the bar stool . I stumbled, and he grabbed my arm to keep me from falling.

"Let me take you home." As much has I wanted to be alone, I didn't argue.

"Okay," I whispered.

We got back to my apartment. "Excuse the mess. I have had a visitor."

"Calvin Benson. Who is that?"

"Not in the mood to explain. Oh, my nephew."

We talked for what seem like hours, catching up on old times. I confessed to him about Calvin.  
We started to kiss, and things were getting pretty heated when his hand reached up underneath my shirt.

"I can't," I said and pushed his hand away. Next thing I knew, he was on top of me. I struggled but the alcohol had taken its effect.

"You know you want this.," he snarled as he nipped my ear. What took minutes seemed like a lifetime.

"You raped me," I said as he pushed himself off of me.

"No, I did not. You wanted it. Besides, if you report this, what will the guys at the 1-6 say about you? The only woman in the bunch goes and gets herself raped. That partner of yours will want nothing more to do with you." Then he was gone.

The next thing I remembered was Kathy chasing me though the parking lot "Olivia, wait!"

"Did you find the victim?"

"Yes" Kathy said. "And she is standing right in front of me."

**I know it got kinda choppy there at the end! Sorry ! Who do U want he to be A. Porter B. Cassidy C. Kurt Moss or D. The Guy Olivia was engaged to when she was 16. Let me know!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

**Sorry for the delay! The kids and I have had the stomach flu and a sick dog! We always do the holidays at my house! I will get a chapter up by Tue!**

**Hope your holidays were happy!**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Hello All! Sorry for the delay. I'm changing the direction of the story. After watching Penetration. I own nothing and let's hope this one updates I had type it out saved it then lost it. Not Beta Read just wanted to get it up I own nothing._**

****Kathy had convinced Olivia to come back inside.

"Do you want me to call anyone or Elliot?" She asked

"No Elliot can never find out about this." I'm not sure even why I came maybe I should just leave." Olivia said while jumping off the exam table.

"Olivia wait it is not your fault! You did not ask for this." Those words rung in Olivia's ears how many times had she said those exact same words to victims. Dana's words also rang loud and clear "If I can not even watch my own back. How can they expect me to watch theirs?"

Olivia was snapped out her trance when she heard Kathy's voice "Olivia just let me call El so he can be here for you."

"NO!" Olivia said "Well then will you at least let me do the rape kit in case you change your mind and want to press charges?" Kathy asked

Olivia debated if she did not let Kathy do the rape kit she may tell Elliot because she would not being breaking any laws. But if Kathy did the kit then she would not be able to tell Elliot anything without breaking the law.

"OK but put it under Rachel Martin. I will call Melinda and tell her not to run it because the victim is not ready to press charges." Olivia knew that if Warner ran the kit both DNA's would show up.

What seemed like forever. Kathy was finished. She gave Olivia some scrubs to wear home.

"Come on Liv I will give you a ride home." Kathy said

The car ride was silent. "Do you need help in?" Kathy asked while pulling up to her building. "No thanks I have it from here thanks for everything Kathy."

"Not a problem Liv take care of yourself. Will you flash your lights when you get inside?"

"Man you sound like Elliot Kathy but yes I will flash them." Olivia said with a shaky smile.

Kathy waited for Olivia to flash her lights before driving away. Her only pray was for Liv to be ok and hoped that she would tell Elliot and that her tears would stop before she got back to Queens.

Olivia entered her apartment. Seeing the wine glasses and Calvin's picture. She tried choking back a sob. But she could not hold it in and broke down. Because this was the worse day of her life. Sealview, her mom coming after her with broken bottle, or her mom falling down the subway steps in drunken stupor. None of those compared to the events she experienced tonight.

After crying till she had no more tears left to cry. "Suck up Benson." She said out loud to herself. While turning the shower on till has hot has she could stand it. She scrubbed herself till the water ran cold. She got out of the shower and put on some sweats. She wanted to sleep in her bed she could not go back to that couch. Her bed no it was Calvin's bed. It felt funny lay down on it. After Sealview she had spent many nights on the couch. But the couch had now become the enemy. She glanced at the clock 5:30 Am there was no way she was going to get up for work tomorrow or wait this morning. She texted Cragen and told him she was going to take a personal day. Olivia falling into a restless sleep when her cell phone buzzed with a text message. She cursed herself for waking her Captain. Olivia grabbed her phone to read her Captain's text only it was not from Cragen. Olivia dropped the phone in horror has she read the message

**_"Where have you been OLIVIA? I told you not to tell now there is hell to pay. WATCH your Back!"_**

**Stabler House, Queens NY 4:45 Am**

Kathy opened in the front door careful not to wake her sleeping family. She wanted to slip into bed without waking Elliot he needed all the sleep he could get. But has soon has she laid down Elliot rolled over and wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey Sweetie long night?" Elliot asked sleepily.

"Yeah" Kathy replied

"Who caught the rape case?" Elliot said with a yawn

"She did not want to press charges and tried leaving, but I convinced her to let me do the rape kit in case she changes her mind."

"What was her name? Maybe Liv can talk to her and get her to press charges she is always good at getting the victims to open up." Elliot said while trying to stifle a yawn

"Dam it El you know I can not tell you that! The last I told you about a rape I lost a really good friend. But she has your card I she changes her mind." Kathy said

"You are right Kathy. You did all you can do. I just hope she changes her mind and comes forward

"Me to El Me to." Kathy said has a tear slipped down her cheek

**_HAPPY NEW YEAR_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_OK I have decided that Liv and El will be just friends in this! I want to try to keep has close to the series has I can! Not that I would love just a one time fling after all they did it on Hunter (cop show back in the late 80's). They still remain partners and best friends. Remember Kathy and El never got remarried. He signed the papers in the episode BURNED there is still hope (fingers crossed). On with the story._**

**1-6 7:30 am**

Elliot walked in and noticed Olivia's desk was empty. He thought for sure that Liv would have come in early to help keep her mind off Calvin.

"Hey Cap where's Liv?"

"She took a personal day. You are with Fin and have already caught a case. The victim is in the morgue and Warner has something for you."

Elliot was happy that Liv took a day off. Even if it did not sound like something she would do.

**Medical Examiner's Office 8:30 AM**

Elliot and Fin walked into the morgue. Melinda was busy with the autopsy on their victim.

"Hey guys. Not that I'm not happy to see you Fin. But where's Liv?" Melinda asked

"She took the day off after everything that happen with Calvin last night. Elliot said

"Oh I know I heard what happen. How is she doing?"

"Not really sure have not talked to her since she left last night." Elliot replied

"So what do we have?" Fin asked Melinda

Jane Doe 27-35 raped and strangled." Melinda said while pointing to her stomach. "Dam she was pregnant." They both said. "I'm estimating about 15 weeks." Melinda told them.

"Delivery for Dr. Warner." A uniformed officer said.

"Hey El can you sign for that?" Melinda asked.

"Sure." Elliot said while taking the clipboard from the officer's hand.

He signed for the package which he noticed it was a rape kit. "Where do you want this?" he asked Melinda

"Over there with the others rape kits. Put it in alphabetical order please."

Elliot looked down at the name on the packaged his eyes widen in shock

**Rachel Martian**

**Evidence collected by K. Stabler**

Elliot stood there with his hands shaking. "Is there a problem Elliot?" Melinda said.

"Um no but I think I may know the victim and my wife did the kit." He said

"Well that will explained why Liv called and told me not to run the kit because the Vic was not ready to press charges but she was going to talk to her."

"Oh ok." Elliot said while placing the kit in order.

There could be a hundred Rachel Martians in the city. Elliot thought to himself on their way back to the 1-6 and Kathy had called Liv because she did not want to bother him while he was with Eli. Yeah that was it or was it.

"Missing your sidekick over there?" Fin said smiling

"Yeah something like that. Elliot said with a sigh

**1-6 5:00 pm**

Elliot had been sitting at his desk. Rachel Martian, K. Stabler! The names played over and over in his head like a broken record. No it is not Liv it can't be. Please God do not let it be Liv. He grabbed his things and headed home detrained to get something out of Kathy.

**Stabler House 5:45 pm**

Elliot arrived home. Hanging his coat up in the foyer. Upon walking into the living room he saw Eli playing with his Thomas the Trains while watching a Thomas DVD.

"Hey buddy did you have a good day?" (_A/N Eli in about 4 yrs old) _ "Daddy I missed you! Mommy and I played Thomas all day."

"That's great buddy." Elliot said "And Mommy said it was just us tonight so we get to order pizza. And I want ham and pineapple just like Aunt Livee likes." Eli said grinning ear to ear.

"Where's your Mom?"

"She's in the kitchen doing the dishes." "Daddy is going to say Hi I will be back to play with you." "OK Daddy."

"Hey beautiful." Elliot said while snaking his arms around her waist

"Hi Sweetie! How was your day?" Kathy asked

"Good and yours" Elliot said while kissing her check. "Well Thomas and I became great friends today." She chuckled. "Cinders and ashes Kathy you have another man in your life?" Elliot said while sitting down at the table.

"Ha Ha very funny Elliot." He was happy to see the mood light and cheerful. So he deiced to go for it. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

"You know I signed for that rape kit you did at the M.E.'s today." He said

"Oh really." Kathy said shakily.

"Yeah and you want to know what the ironic thing was it was under a Rachel Martian and Liv has used that same name a few times has an alias. Elliot said

Kathy dropped the glass she was drying shattering it on the floor and look at Elliot with sad eyes.

"I knew it was Liv." He screamed grabbing his keys off the hook and running by a terrified Eli.

Kathy gave chase and ran after him. "Elliot she didn't want you to know." Kathy said while swinging the front door open. But it was to late his brake lights were already fading in the distance.

**Benson Apartment 6:40 pm**

Olivia had just managed to fall asleep and was startled by a loud banging on her door. She was frozen in fear thinking her attacker had come back. "Who is it?" she said

"Liv it's me open up." Elliot said she opened the door and Elliot pulled her into a hug.

"Tell me who raped you." He whispered

**_So let me know! I have some beta readers but the only way I'm going to learn how to do chapter stories is by your feedback! I think I'm getting the hang of this. One more chapter before you find out WHO HE IS!_**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Sorry for not updating sooner. Life is busy. I did notice some errors in the chapters Sorry about that. I let my daughter read the story she pointed them out!**__**She is also and SVU fan and a E/O shipper. Even my middle guy loves Olivia and he is 5 :). He happen to be walking though the room when Liv and Ash were shot by Fin. "Oh no my Livia" "She is ok buddy it is all pretend." So that is why I put Eli around 4yrs. This is going to be a short chapter! Thanks for the reviews. I have decided to take my block off so non-members can review also.**_

**Benson Apartment 6:40 pm**

**"**Olivia who raped you?" Elliot asked with tears in his eyes. Olivia pulled out of his embraced and put her head down. "Who told you was it Kathy?" she asked

"No Kathy did not tell me but her actions did when I was telling how I signed for her rape kit at Warner's today." "I said the Vic was a Rachel Martin and that you had used that name has an alias a few times. Then she dropped my favorite glass on the floor." Elliot replied.

Olivia walked over to her couch and sat down while pulling her knees to her chest. Elliot sat beside aside her. After a long silence she begin to speak.

It happen right here on the couch. I could not bring myself to come inside last night and bear the fact that I would be alone. I went to the bar and had a few drinks well a lot more than a few. I just figured if I got drunk going home would not be so bad. Then he came in said he was in town on business. He was the last person I wanted to see. I told him I needed to go. I stumbled and he caught me. I was so pissed at him for everything that happen between us. But I wanted comfort someone to hold and say everything was going to be ok. He offered to take me home and I agreed. We got back to my place and started drink and talk. Next thing I knew we were kissing and his hand was up shirt. I pushed it away and said that he needed to go. Then things went from bad to worse. Next thing he grabbed me and was tearing at my cloths I tried to fight him but could not. Then he was inside me. It hurt so bad. Then he was done.

Elliot sat there with tears in his eyes. the only thing he could utter was "Liv why didn't you tell me?"

"El you were never suppose to find out." "Besides he told me not to cause nobody would believe me and you would not want to be my partner anymore."

"Liv you know that's not true." Elliot said

"I kept thinking about what Dana said after her rape." "Everyone of her co-workers would be passing around her file reading it thinking if she could not watch her own back then how can they expect her to watch theirs."

"Liv I would never want not be your partner anymore." Elliot said in a whisper "Partners for better or worse and I would never think that you would not have my back neither would anyone else in the unit."

"I'm trying to believe that El but I see the same look in your eyes that Fin had when he found in the basement." "The same one we give to victims."

"Olivia we all love and care about you. You are our rock. We are lost without you. It was chaos while you were undercover with the FBI and just like me they would all want to see your attacker brought to justice." Elliot told her

"That's sweet El." But it does not matter he said that he would not be charged." He knows I had the rape kit done he texted me early this morning saying there was going to be hell to pay because I told." Olivia said with tears in her eyes.

"Please Olivia tell me who did this to you." Elliot pleaded

Olivia looked at Elliot with the tears falling "It was"

**TBC**

**Thanks for the reviews. Be nice no cuss words please!**


	8. Chapter 8

**_Another short chapter writers block! But here it is!_**

**Benson Apartment 6:50 pm**

"Please Liv tell me who raped you?"

It was! Oh El please do make me tell you. I'm to scared."

"Olivia tell me PLEASE." Elliot said with tears in his eyes.

"It was Dean! Oh El I should have never have trusted him after everything that happened." "This is all my fault!"

"Olivia you need to report this." Elliot said

"No Elliot I can't I do not want anybody else knowing about this." "You saw how Tucker had a field day with my PSTD." "It is going to be worse now that I was raped." Olivia said while tyring to choke back her sobs.

"Liv you can not let him get away with this." "FBI or not." They stood behind Dana why would they not stand behind you?"

"Because I'm not FBI anymore and Dean has been with them for years." Who they going to believe EL Me a desperate woman who was looking to start a family." With her only chance of having that was ripped from her arms not hours before?"

"Or a agent that has been there for years?" I was drunk nobody is going to beliveve me."

"Liv please do not let him get away with it." Elliot said pleading.

"Dam it Elliot you are just not getting it." Olivia said with her frustration building

"Tell Me Liv just what and I'm not getting?" Elliot said with anger raising in his voice. He did not want to get mad at her but dam why did she have to be so stubborn all the time.

"Because El we have slept togather before." Olivia said with tears now flowing.

"When?" Elliot asked has his eyes widened in shock

"After all that crap with Simon." Olivia said not want to see the hurt in Elliot's eyes.

"Besides it will not matter I invited him in my home we drank had sex then I cried rape because I regretted it." Olivia said with her head still turned

"Liv I have to ask is that what happened?" Elliot said walking in front of her.

"You are a jack ass if you think that but that is how the jury is going to see it." I told him no over and over." Olivia said while wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Besides Dean said he would never be charged." Olivia said

"Once again Liv why because he is FBI?" Elliot said yelling

"I don't know El please don't be mad or yell." Olivia said while trying to distance herself and him.

"Liv I'm not mad at you." I'm sorry for yelling I just want you to press charges." Elliot said closing in on the distance that Olivia had made between them.

Elliot then grabbed his phone and dialed the last number her had for Dean.

"FBI how may I help you?" a woman's voiced answered on the other end.

"I need to speak to Agent Dean Porter." Elliot told her

"I'm sorry sir there is no Agent Porter." the female voice said

"Look lady I'm Detective Elliot Stabler with the NY PD Manhattan SVU I have worked with Agent Porter in the past and need tp speak with him now." Elliot said thourgh gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry detective but Agent Porter is undercover he went on assignment early this morning and will not be available for the next two years." the voice rattled back to him.

"WHERE IS HE?" Elliot said screaming into the phone.

"Detective I can not tell you." she said

Out of anger Elliot threw his phone causing it to shatter and leaving a hole in Olivia's wall where it hit

Elliot turn towards Olivia "He is undercover for the next two years." Elliot told her

"Great not only do I have a hole in my wall. But my rapist is in the wind." Olivia

"I'm going to fix your hole and bring Porter to justice no matter what it takes." Elliot told her

"I need your phone Liv." Olivia handed him her phone.

Elliot quickly found the number he was looking for.

A voice answered "Hello"

"It is me Elliot and I need your help."

**_TBC Who is the mystery voice? _**


	9. Chapter 9

**_WRITERS Block on this chapter feel free to help my over this bump_**

"


End file.
